Butterflied
by Annie Coomes
Summary: The Doctor tries to stop destroying his daughter after Rose dies. “Daddy, can we stop running away now please?”.


**Summary:** The Doctor tries to stop destroying his daughter after Rose dies.

Lyrics belong to OneRepublic.

**Butterflied**

_This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us  
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust_

She was ten years old. She had dirty blonde hair that curled around her ears and settled awkwardly on her shoulders. Her eyes were the same deep brown as her fathers, only hers sparkled with light rather than hardened with darkness. She wore black jeans that hung off her pubescent hips and a pair of black ballet shoes which clung to the edge of her heels as she walked. On her top she wore a bright blue t-shirt with white fingerless gloves; her face was pale and had a generous sprinkling of freckles over her nose. Around her neck she wore a locket which banged against her heart when she ran.

Her name was Maeve Tyler and tears had turned her eyes red as her small frame trembled with the intensity of her emotions.

The Doctor watched her from his chair in the control room, he didn't speak, his eyes just watched her. This strange girl who was his daughter. It had started to seem to him that lately all he did was upset her, as she stood there crying her face seemed to morph into that of her mothers'.

_Steady hands, just take the wheel...  
And every glance is killing me_

The Doctor looked away, his eyes fixing on some distant spot within the control room which allowed his imagination to wander to a time where life wasn't so hard. He revisited memories that he had nearly worn out from dreaming, however each time he went back to those moments, the ones of him and Rose in the Tardis, he began to remember less and less. Each time he saw her in his mind there was less off her smile, her hair was darker – less brilliant, her eyes no longer sparkled, and instead they were blurred ruining her face. He could no longer feel the heat of her hand in his. Even when he looked at photos of her, like the few Maeve had sprinkled over the consol, he felt that he remembered her less and less.

And so he had spent the last four years running from it. From the moment her body hit the floor, the moment he had pressed his lips to hers for the last time, the final moment where he whispered that he loved her, from the moment his daughter had stopped smiling at him- he had begun to run.

Each time they'd stop, they'd settle – sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months, but never long. Just as it was becoming normal, as it was become domestic, as soon as Maeve felt like she belong somewhere he would pack them up and continue to run. It was easy to set him off, sometimes it was just a word that could do it, other times it was an image or a memory, but no matter what it was his first instinct was to run to another planet to another world where he could pretend all over again.

_I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years_

Maeve watched her father, sometimes she loved him but mostly she hated him. She hated him for killing her mother. She hated him for making them run. She hated him for hating her. And most of all, she hated him for making her feel like she was second best.

He'd broken her heart too many times now and she couldn't take it anymore. He expected her to be strong all the time but she couldn't do it. She was just a girl.

"Please".

The word cut into the Doctor, he tore his eyes away from the photos that he treasured and he turned to study his daughter. Her eyes studied his face intensely; sometimes it caused him to wonder how she could ever be his child.

"Please don't make us leave again". Her voice sounded small and childish in the emptiness of the Tardis. He watched her eyes, not moving as her spoke

"We have to"

"Why?"

"You wouldn't understand"

"It's my life. Try me".

It was in these moments that she was her mother. When she stared at him and argued she was Rose all over again.

"You wouldn't understand".

This time it was too much. He was trying to cut her out of his life. As strong as she tried to be, she could feel the rage burning through her, causing her hands to tremble as she stood to meet him in the centre of the control room. Tears blurred her vision as she raised her eyes to watch him, fear choking her voice.

"You killed her".

_And every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead_

Silence fell over the Tardis. Maeve had never accused him off it before and as his eyes turned dark with rage she remembered why. He started down at her, his face a mask of agony as his mouth faltered on words to speak.

"You killed her and you're trying to kill me! You're breaking my heart over and over until you destroy me" she sobbed as she fell forward against him, her small fists rising and falling as she struck him again and again in his chest.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

She shook against him as she still struck him, tears stained his shirt as her tiny fists pounded, the Doctor remained rigid against her until he fell from the Consol to the floor. Maeve fell with him until they sat against one another on the floor; she sat with her legs crossed sobbing silently into her hands unable to look at him. Tears stung bitterly in his eyes as he watched the girl he was destroying – she was all her had left of Rose and he was breaking her.

"I killed her" he agreed. They were words he had feared speaking for so long – but he'd said them. Maeve raised her head to meet his eyes; hers were wide with fear and shock as she listened to his words. Her mouth hung open as she struggled with what to say, he ran his hands through his hair, hair that her mother loved to play with.

"I didn't mean to" his voice was quiet and wrecked with pain. Guilt wrecked Maeve, she wanted answers but he sounded as though she were breaking him also.

"I tried. I tried to save you both. But Rose…your Mum…she sent me after you first…by the time I got back….I tried Mae, I tried so hard."

"I know" her voice was quiet in the silence of the room, her words held wisdom years above her own age. She was very still now, her brown eyes still rimmed with tears but also filling with understanding as she watched her father cry.

Tears fell from the Doctors eyes and stained his cheeks, his face was ashen with guilt as he tried not to look at the child he had failed.

"I promised her I would look after you" he choked with half a laugh, "I guess I screwed that up too".

Maeve almost smiled as she shook her head

"You're not that bad" she whispered as she moved her small hand into the palm of his. He looked down at it before raising it up to kiss it.

"I've tried to fix it. I tried to go back, to change things, to make it so that she lived"

"But Dad, you can't do that"

"I tried. But I failed her in death too"

"You never failed her" her words were eerie in the silence of the Tardis

"Then why is it every time I think of her, I feel my heart breaking."

"I do too".

The Doctor watched his child for a moment. They'd named her Maeve after the warrior, they'd hoped this would make her stronger, make her invincible as they wished she could be. But sitting there watching her weep because of him, he knew that she needed more than a name.

"I didn't mean to kill her"

"You didn't kill her"

"Then why does it feel like I have?"

They held each others gaze for a moment, both of them seeing Rose in the others' eyes.

_I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be_

The Doctor pulled Maeve into his lap, his arms wrapping around her as he held her tightly so that her face was pressed into his shoulder.

"I love you Daddy"

"I love you too Maey"

As the Doctor looked at the picture inside Maeve's locket she raised her eyes to him

"Daddy, can we stop running now please?"

With tears in his eyes he gently nodded, his thumb running over the one that he'd lost. He'd already failed the woman he loved; he wasn't going to fail their daughter too.

"I promise".

_You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair_


End file.
